I smell stomach acid.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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