Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
