it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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