i already hear my dad disowning me
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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