So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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