He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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