Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize