If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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