You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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