i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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