I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
