I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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