im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
