My liver just broke up with me...
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
