i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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