I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
