I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
