kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
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