i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Randomize
