im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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