HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
