I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
