Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Randomize
