My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Randomize
