areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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