the new term for farting is butt boxing.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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