My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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