It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize