my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
