he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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