question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
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