also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
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