I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
