dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
