I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I need to align my fucking chakras
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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