whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
