Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
