my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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