Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
