Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
