So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
