I'm passing your future prison.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
