Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Randomize
