JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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