it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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