i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
