Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
