just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
