Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
