that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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