On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
