she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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