i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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