Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
