That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize