Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
