And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
