i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
