Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I need moral support for this bender
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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