dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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