She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
