Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
