I'm so fucking centered right now
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
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just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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