I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
