I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
