I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Randomize