Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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