Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize