Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
