There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
