how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
