So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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