I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
