hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize