Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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