maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
did i walk over a car last night?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
